This topic has come up in many facets of my life this year. Be it friends and family making huge life changes, or my venture into a new business with The Celluloid Collective. What is purpose and how do we find it intrinsically? How do we take ownership of the things that are outside of our control? How do we work through, with, or around those that keep us from the destination?
When I was in sixth grade I lost three grandparents over a month and a half. Shortly after, or close to it, I remember having a dream of the open night sky. It was unclear if I was in my bed or floating in outer space. Infinite and black, nothingness in every direction. A dream that left me waking up completely lost yet aware that our time here is limited.
Throughout the pandemic, I asked myself hundreds of times about my purpose. What is the point of trying if you know you can fail? Why put yourself in an uncomfortable scenario, knowing it will change you? Maybe a change for the better, or the worse, but you don’t yet know. I now know that the changes placed in front of me, albeit difficult, are leading me closer to my purpose.
The child version of me would have told you my purpose was to be a millionaire. To have a house so big I didn’t even go into some of the rooms. Why did I feel this way? Why do our youth feel this way? Capitalism would love for our purpose to be a consumer, but it has been my experience that purpose does not come from stuff that money buys.
I currently work at a school where we meet as a community, twice a week, to participate in chapel. These opportunities have challenged me to expand my view of purpose. My students have also challenged me as they start their life journey, even if it feels like we are starting into nothingness. A nothingness that always seemed like anything was possible if I just dreamed a little harder, and looked a little deeper. A way of life that led me to education and continues to challenge me to look a little deeper. What if we make ourselves a little more uncomfortable? Will this help make us better humans?
While I don’t know if we will ever figure out our purpose completely, I do know that we have to be willing to look into nothingness sometimes to find where we are supposed to go next. We must get uncomfortable and see exactly what we can be to ourselves, and others. Especially to others.
To those people in my life that empowered me over the past 20 years, I want to sincerely thank you. To the people that said “Why not?”, or “What’s the worst that can happen?”, you made the impossible possible. You pushed me toward my purpose, and hopefully, you found yours as well. Life is short and we can’t make it alone. Without support, we only go so far. Take help if you need it, and help others when you can. I think that’s my purpose at the moment, but what happens next…